Yesterday I clicked a photo of a beautiful graffiti with a tree sprouting out like a crown from behind the wall it was painted on. It was mesmerizing and I stared at it for a long time, trying to find one thing to hold on to in the blur of the colors, the shapes, the strokes. It’s surreal – trying to find something to hold on to in something you’re lost in. Finding something? Finding someone? Myself, maybe? About damn time.
I went missing. Unintentionally at first, because life got in the way. Intentionally later, because again, life got in the way.
I had so much newness in my life over the past two months, and there were mindstorms after mindstorms, and just as I gave in to the newness, to the whirlwind of emotions, to the words and happiness, with a lot of trust and love, and genuinely believed in their permanence, things fell apart, like they usually do. I feel sucker-punched.
I’m here now though. I think I’m still missing. But I love this blog, even though I’d just started it when I suddenly stopped writing, so I’m going to come back to the familiar and try to find myself here, through my writings and ramblings, and my weird sketches. I feel awful for having neglected it.
For those readers who actually looked me up and left comments and were concerned about my disappearance, thank you so much. I’ve missed reading your words on your own blogs and having little conversations with you. I hope I’m here for good now. Let’s give it another go, shall we?
PS. After looking at the graffiti carefully, I think it’s about some weird ritual involving an evil bunny rising from the fire held up by a wooden robot wearing a red t-shirt with a white heart, which itself is rising from a bed of pink flowers. I pat myself on the back: “Nice stuff to find yourself in, Cat.”