Yellow

Yellow kites. Yellow flowers. The golden rays of the sweltering sun. The smooth-to-look-at but rough-to-touch craft papers with her loopy handwriting stuck to the wall. Her cute camisole with it yellow straps. “Too much yellow today,” he whispers to himself.

There are days when colors just burst out at you. Out of every crevice and corner. Wherever you look, you see colors. And beauty.

I’m more of a black and white kind of girl. Or maybe a sepia kind of girl. I like dark tones and mellow hues. I’ve never been the one who took to brightness easily. I like darkness. Maybe a bit too much sometimes. I am up all night, embracing the dark, pulling thoughts out of the deep, shadowy fissures inside my mind, contemplating, writing, living and I fall asleep only after there is a tinge of light orange in the sky.  Maybe I don’t just like darkness. Maybe I love it. Even in my dreams, I can’t escape it.

Today though, I fell in love with the color yellow, for which I never really cared much about before. It happened when I suddenly heard giggling from outside my window. It was the sweetest sound I’d heard in a long time. And then I heard a man laughing. In tune to the giggling. I got up then to see the source of such happiness. The first thing I saw was a bright yellow beautiful kite against the blue sky. My eyes followed the thread it was strung by only to land on the cutest pair of hands holding on to it. The hands belonged to a tiny muppet. A giggly one. Wearing a yellow frock herself. And red socks and yellow shoes. And two tiny pony tails. Man, did she have style. Happiness radiated off her plump cheeks. Her already tall dad stood a little further looking proudly at her, which made him look even taller. They were running together in pauses. I leaned out and said to her, “Hi sweetheart, that’s the most beautiful kite I’ve ever seen.” And her answer was more giggles. And I fell in love with Yellow. That’s what I’ve named her. Her dad nodded and smiled at me. And they went along playing and laughing.

I just stood there and watched, until they waved at me and vanished from sight. And then I stood there some more. And suddenly I became so aware of everything surrounding me. I noticed the colors all around. The rays of the sun coming at me, playing with my fingers and getting caught up in my hair. Falling on the bunnies running about. Giving the clouds a honeyish tinge. I stood there and twirled my fingers in the air, letting them pair up and dance with the sunbeams for sometime. I turned around then, and saw that some of the notes and poems I stick to my wall are all in bright yellow paper. The light from the lamp in my room is yellow. The walls are yellow. And so was I in my yellow camisole. Coincidence? I breathed and felt very alive in that moment. Then I decided to text my parents and sent them lots of kisses because I felt nice and happy. And the smileys are yellow too. With red. Just like the little muppet.

I don’t color usually, because I’m horrible at it. But this little one deserves all the colors in the world, so I decided to make an exception. Because of her, I love yellow now. In my mind, she is the color yellow. Forever.

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Hello world, say hi to Yellow

Yellow camisole. With its spaghetti like straps. Against the bare skin of her shoulders and neck. Her skin on fire. Caught in sunbeams. “Too much yellow today,” he says to himself, as he falls in love with yellow.

~ Cat

PS. The one in italics is just fiction. Me thinking of a guy falling in love with a girl wearing a yellow camisole. It’s not related to the cute little muppet.

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Posted in Art, Doodles, Family, Fiction, Friendship, Love, Musings and Personal, Ramblings, Sketches, Summer, Summer Days, Thoughts, Writing & Blogging | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Sniffles

Sniffles can be the death of confidence.

Do you ever have days where you feel like you can take on the world? You look into the mirror, tilt your head, smirk and you go, “What up, world? I’m coming for you.”

Well, I felt like that today. My challenge was to go out, and buy bread and soup from the campus co-op. Tiny thing to many maybe, but to me it still meant making human contact. It still meant having to get out of my room, my safe haven. It meant putting on clean clothes, and combing my hair into some kind of a respectable do. It meant walking for about fifteen minutes, trying to look cool and collected while smiling at strangers passing by. I’m usually okay with this if I’m walking in a group. I just melt and hide in the middle and let others do the smiling, the greeting and the shaking of heads. When I have to do all this on my own without the protection of several bodies shielding me, I become awkward, terrified and very aware of myself. Today, I thought I’d face this. This was my way of taking on the world. Baby steps.

There I was, getting ready to go out. I had my A game on. I had my hair in a small little beautiful braid. My face looked clean without its usual bumps. I had on my lovely maroon tee with my favorite pair of jeans. The weather seemed beautiful. No squawking seagulls in sight. Which was a plus.

What could possibly go wrong? I felt like the Juggernaut (minus the uncontrollable anger and meanness, because I’m nice) 😀 Nothing stood a chance in front of me.

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Juggernaut mode

I put my headphones on, pressed the ‘play music’ button on my phone, and proceeded towards the co-op. I was in the groove, people. I was feeling awesome. I felt like dancing in the middle of the road, dammit! Me. Dancing. I can’t even walk straight without stumbling, being clumsy and embarrassing myself half the time, so feeling like this was a big deal.

Until the universe conspired against me, and said, “No, no, no, Cat is not allowed to feel cool, even for fifteen minutes. Sorry, not sorry, sucker!”

It started with a big gust of cold wind. Off came a few strands of hair from my braid, falling into my face. But that was cool. I just swept it right back. “We can handle a little wind,” I said to myself. And then more wind. Ahh, a bigger bunch of hair in my face and eyes. And I shakily swept them up again. “Keep walking, focus on the music, you’re in the groove, darling,” I told myself, a bit flustered. And then the universe said, “One more bigass gust of wind to blow her off her feet.” Hair fell all over my face and eyes. My nose became cold, my eyes began to water, and then the worst thing that could ever happen happened. I started sniffling. Sniffling. Nooo! I cringed. I started going all *sniff, sniff* *sniff, sniff* desperately searching for a tissue or handkerchief in my bag. And of course, I couldn’t find one. My headphones fell. I felt like a mess. And I looked around feeling as if every pair of eyes in the vicinity was seeing me struggling to regain my cool composure. And that every pair of ears could hear the God awful constant sniffling. Thanks a bunch, Wind God, if you exist.

And there in the middle of the road died my confidence and the will to take on the world.  I almost ran to the co-op then, caught my reflection in the glass door: nose red, hair like a bird’s nest, eyes panicked, and felt even worse. Keeping my head low and still sniffling,  I bought my soup and bread, and got the hell out of there, not wanting to feel any other pair of eyes or ears on me. Just wanting the comfort and safety of being alone inside my room, behind my laptop. Never wanting to leave my sanctuary and venture into the unknown again. Even if I’m craving to taste some good soup. Even if I’m dying of hunger. You win, universe, you win. To hell with baby steps. I’m not even ready to crawl.

Here I am now, inside my room, sipping some hot Moroccon Chicken soup (which I have to admit is pretty heavenly, yeah, but still not worth going through all that terror for), no sniffles or watery eyes, but with self-confidence on an all time low. Thinking about it now, I’m sure no one probably even noticed me, let alone my Rudolphish nose. No one probably cared. Yet, a sniffle attack panicked the hell out of me. And all the logic flew away from my mind. Even if people did care, why did it bother me so much? If sniffles can reduce my A game to muck, I wonder what a full on sneeze fest would do.

That’s all I had to say. There’s no moral here, except maybe, to realize how even tiny little things can bring social anxiety right to the front for a lot of people. And it’s scary. And depressing. If you see someone sniffling or sneezing or having an allergic reaction or maybe, just having a bad hair day, be a little kind, huh? Ignore the obvious annoying sounds, and smile at them (not creepily or sadly, because I’m sure that would make someone like me want to die on the spot or crawl into a hole), or go a step further, and offer a tissue or a napkin. Don’t go and offer to comb their hair though. That’s just crossing boundaries now.

~Cat

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Sniffles attack the Juggernaut

Posted in Art, Doodles, Humor, Musings and Personal, Ramblings, Sketches, Social anxiety, Summer, Summer Days, Thoughts, Writing & Blogging | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Sunkissed

Did you know that sunkisses get you high?

Yesterday was a good day. I actually got up in the morning, which is when I usually fall asleep. The weather was beautiful – blue, sunny and breezy. Perfect day to spend bumping into strangers on the roads, rather than on the internet from behind your keyboard. I went out to a Mexican restaurant with a couple friends in the afternoon, and seeing how glorious the weather was, we decided to have cocktails. I had a Zombie. Yes, that’s correct. I drank a Zombie. It had Rum and Brandy, and pineapple and orange juice. And some kind of syrup. The description had me intrigued, so I ordered one. It was mellow, sweet and sour at the same time. I think it brought alive my half-asleep, almost dead mind which was not used to human contact and interactions that early in the day. So Zombie, you lived up to your name. Good job (but next time I’m going for the Mexican Woo Woo another friend ordered. That was just like its name too. Full on woo woo :P). One friend asked the waiter for sombreros (because he’s badass), and the sweet man gave one for each of us. So, we wore our sombreros, had our yummy cocktails, headed to the beach, had oysters, got our feet kissed by the cool water, had our bodies kissed by the hot sun, and had banana icecreams before returning home. It was really a good day. The kind of day that makes your bones hum with laziness, and makes your body sigh with happiness.

I think the beauty of the whole day got me high. Sunkisses do that to you.

I was in the mood to make love to words anyway. I’ve always been a strange bird, and I’ve always been in love with words. But sometimes I want words to fall in love with me. So I ramble and try to carve them into my skin, the way a woman would as she presses herself down on her lover. Words escape all the time. They are ignored, mistreated, replaced, thrown out. They sometimes run away on their own, trying to find meanings of their own. Sometimes, you just need to hold them down, show them how much you need them, stay up tuning into every meaning they could possibly hold and hide, until they hum and get released perfectly. Then you sleep with them, holding them close to your heart and mind. What would you call that? I call it making love.

My mind wanted me to continue rambling. So there I was, once again pouring out everything that my hands were automatically typing without thinking. Without hesitation. Without a second glance. Ramblings are good. You need them in your life. I’m not a person who rambles always. I babble a lot, I know. But ramblings are different. They are more personal. More human. Full of truths. Full of new words just made out on the spot. Like Zomble. I just made it up. Because Zombie is a part of the reason I was high and I was on a ramble. Join them. Zomble. Genius, huh? My mind was in zomble mode, people 😀 Now you’ll know what I mean when I use this word in the future.

I love my life. There. I just wanted to put it out there. Do I have other close friends? Yes. Do I tell them I love them? Occasionally. Do I tell them I love them all the time? Nope. Do I love them like I love my life? Nope, again. Interesting, how I’ve known my two close friends for almost 4 and 3 years now, and I’m discovering myself for only a short time. now. Do I love myself more and them less? No. I don’t think you can compare love. I don’t think one is less than the other. But I do think that it’s a different kind of love. It’s a kind of love which is as simple as it is complicated, just like I am. It’s filled with very human emotions, very fragile thoughts, an admirable amount of naughtiness, a healthy amount of respect, a glorious amount of humor, sweetness, honesty and a dash of uncertainty and insecurity (from my side). Oh, and it is filled with pages and pages of words. Some of them already in my phone and drafts, but so many more unsaid ones for the future. It’s RogueCat type of love 😀 Too much?! I can’t stop giggling after typing that. I think you must’ve gone, “Hell, no! She did not just hyphenate their names, that crazy woman!” Relax, I’m just joking and demonstrating my new word-making skills.

That’s it. That’s all I had to say. I just wanted to tell the world that you can get high on sunny days and lose your mind-filters. And that’s okay. And fun. So, go out if you get a chance and get sunkissed one of these summer days, people.

I turned back to my non-rambling, mostly babbling self today. And I think that’s okay too. As cool as rambling Cat is, the everyday one ain’t bad either.

“I wish he got high. Sunkisses do get you high. But words do to. Letters get you high. And he’s getting quite a few of them today.”

~ Cat

PS. I have decided that Sombreros are awesome. They protect you from the sun, make your head look small and pretty, and they’re totally whack. Yes. Whack. So, I shall wear sombreros, drink Zombies and sing Spanish love ballads from now on. As I didn’t have time to draw today, here’s a photo of me and a friend enjoying Zombies and Woo Woos instead.

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Zombies

Posted in Beaches, Friendship, Humor, Love, Musings and Personal, Summer, Summer Days, Thoughts, Writing & Blogging | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Thievery

This post might piss some bird-lovers off. You have been warned.

Here goes: Seagulls are shitheads.

There, I just said what everyone was thinking.

I used to love seagulls or the idea of them until a year ago. Who wouldn’t? They looked glorious in the background of photographs and paintings of beaches with sun-kissed happy faces of tanned humans. Where I come from, I’d never actually had this particular photogenic experience and couldn’t wait to live it out once I came to uni. Man, do photographs lie or what?!

Seagulls are not adorable or calm and peaceful creatures as they are often portrayed. They are actually big horrible, rude bullies. Did you know that? Everyone here knows that. The seagulls where I live are the most evil kind I’ve ever come across. Conniving too. Really, really smart bunch. They plan and synchronize their attack on a helpless victim, and swoop!

I would’ve been in awe of their talent had I not been a target of one of their master plans. And on the day I decide to give myself a small treat as well. The nerve!

I’ve had three seagulls attack me at the same time once, and off one went with my freshly bought, amazing looking custard doughnut. Before I could even take a small bite. I didn’t even realize what was happening until my hand was empty and feathers were flapping against my cheek and shoulders. I went, “Nooo, Not my doughnuts!” And then I almost cried. Assholes.

I think every student at my uni and almost every tourist enjoying a good snack outside has been a victim of similar attacks. And the God awful squawking that starts as early as 3 in the morning. It’s like the devil baby screaming. While walking in the campus at night, I’ve noticed so many of them just observing potential targets from top of roofs or trees. I pity those people who think they are safe from these thieves at night *smirks*

Seagulls are your own personal stalkers, remember for future reference, people.

Though I have to say this, they plan together. And after one attacks, they all share their loot together. Their only saving grace. They are sharers.

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Thievery

~ Cat

PS. I’m a bird-lover too. Don’t kill me.

Posted in Art, Birds, Doodles, Humor, Musings and Personal, Sketches, Summer, Thoughts, Writing & Blogging | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments

Pillows

Have you ever had a friend that you just connect with on every level? Everything fits. There’s no judgement. And you can just be. That’s it. Just be.

I keep thinking of a story. A girl and her friend went to the same college for four years but never met. They had no idea of each other’s existence. I wonder if they ever crossed paths before. Now, they’re in different countries, and they suddenly discovered each other some time ago. And they talked and talked. And the talking never seems to end. And I like the idea of that. And they write and write. They’ve become the best penpals anyone could have. They’re getting to know their pasts as they go along living the present, and have already made each other very important and permanent fixtures in each other’s future.

As their layers get peeled away, the closer and closer they become, even though they’re thousands of miles away.

So I was thinking about how they’d just like to hold each other and sleep when they meet, their arms and legs thrown all over each other. Nothing sexual. Just comfort. And closeness. And peace. And that’s how it’s going to be. I decided that they’re going to be each other’s pillows. Yes, pillows. The girl, the cozy small one. The guy, the big-ass squishy one. And holding their pillows tight, they’ll have some pillow talk :D, and sleep.

Maybe, if I think more about it, I will write out this story some day.

I wanted to put this on paper. And this is how I imagine it:

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Pillows

“As they lay talking, he puts his arms and legs around her and swaddles her. She tucks her head neatly under his chin, hugs his tummy close and sighs. They’re pillows.”

~ Cat

Posted in Art, Doodles, Friendship, Love, Musings and Personal, Sketches, Thoughts, Writing & Blogging | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Lucky Duck

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Dangling

So, I had a bit of a complicated talk with my friend yesterday, which made me go all hyper. Later, she wrote me a letter in which she mentioned that I was a lucky, lucky duck. That kind of stuck with me all day today. I thought I’d sketch around this idea.

See, my mind made up an idea of a girl meeting a boy she has never met before. And he’s really tall. So the first time she meets him and hug him, she knows she’s going to be dangling from his neck. And it’s going to be awesome. So, I combined both the lucky duck idea and the image of this girl I had dangling off of him and made a “doodlish” kinda serious-funny sketch.

A happy, happy day today.

~ Cat

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Lucky Duck

Posted in Art, Doodles, Friendship, Humor, Sketches | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

Mindstorms

I’ve been “meeting” a lot of new people lately and making new friends – which (you’ll understand as you get to know me more) is quite difficult for me – and some of them have made me think and open up a lot. And my mind has been in a constant state of turmoil and thoughts have been bursting all over the place. In a good way. These thoughts are very random too – everything from almost forgotten childhood memories to how I believe seagulls are evil. My already cramped mind thought it would be a great idea to push in a few annoying songs in there too, so that they kept going along in loops.

I was trying to describe this to a friend and the term that popped into my overheated brain was “mindstorm”. I think it fits. So that’s what I’m going to call it.

So, hey world! Or rather, hey, to the two or three fellow beings who are actually going to read this. I’m Cat. I’m nice. And fun (from behind the keyboard, mind you). And entertaining (again, what I said before). I’m going write down my random thoughts and mindstorm musings here from time to time. I get a kick out of doodling, so I might post that too once in a while. And if you catch me on a bad day, you’re going to read my awful poetry too. Okay, so, good luck, chicos!

That’s it.  Welcome me into your arms, world of blogging.

~ Cat

Posted in Firsts, Friendship, Humor, Musings and Personal, Thoughts, Writing & Blogging | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments